you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
