1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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