i think my mom watched the whole time
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wear drunk well.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
