apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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