Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
