I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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