dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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