I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
