Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
