Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need to sanitize my soul.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
