im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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