It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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