goodnight i made you a song goodbye
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
