Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
