I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
