found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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