they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize