the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
