I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
