the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
