Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
