I think i peed on brittanys purse
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
