My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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