he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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