talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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