News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize