You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
