Will you blow on my dice?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
