i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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