Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
