and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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