I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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