it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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