I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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