You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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