i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
