Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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