My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
