I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize