saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
