Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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