you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
