So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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