With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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