You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
