and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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