Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
