There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
