There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
