my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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