the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
