I bet he comes in French.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
