Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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