Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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