That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
