Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
