I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
