Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
