I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
