Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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