I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
