You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
