You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
