barbara walters just said penis...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
third nipple confirmed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
