i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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