Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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