he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
