just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize