She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
