i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
