drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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