Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
