and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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