I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
