that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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