i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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