Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
