today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
