Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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