the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
