i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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