After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
