he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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