No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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