Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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