Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
