see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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