I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I met the friendliest cop last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Randomize
