Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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