i was rollin on her like bob the builder
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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