I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize