I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
