I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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