Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
