I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
