Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
