i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
