mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
