I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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